If chivalry is dead… It’s because you killed it

If chivalry is dead… It’s because you killed it

FinalPhoto#4

If you think of the typical protagonist in your favourite Rom Com (Romantic Comedy for those of you who still live under a rock), then you have met the perpetually single girl who insists she is single because she wants to be and that independence rocks… Yeah that is me.

Except it’s not always like that, because as the story is told on repeat she wants to be single, wants to further something in her life and that’s usually her career and she doesn’t have time for men who have time for her, only the ones that don’t.

THAT right there is why so many women believe that chivalry is dead.

Rewind a hot minute, a couple things to cover seeing as how I’m sure there’s plenty of women who are going to read this and say “this girl doesn’t speak for the entire female population, she doesn’t speak for me,” okay lady go sit in the corner and sulk to your 12 cats, this clearly does not apply to you.

The second thing is what is chivalry? To me it’s all the little things, like opening my door, walking me home, giving me your coat when I’ve inevitably underdressed and become cold, giving a sincere compliment that isn’t creepy or about sleeping with me and just overall being kind.

Side note: These are not hard tasks, if you think they are we have a completely different issue on our hands.

DOUBLE side note: If you think that these shouldn’t be done because you think that it takes away from a woman’s power or whatever you think. I want you to know that I think you’re wrong and I don’t care because I think these are sweet gestures and I do them for other people too, except the coat thing because TRUST ME if I had a coat to give to a guy I was on a date with I probably would give it to him but I’m never that prepared.

So now that I’ve gotten rid of the cat ladies and over masculine men, those who are still reading this is for you.

When I say “If chivalry is dead it’s because you killed it,” you should know that I’m also a part of this mass murder. I have taken a liking to countless attractive and emotionally unavailable or uninterested men and not because they tricked me into talking to them or because I thought I could change them, LOL that’s garbage. I did it because that’s who I wanted to associate myself with.

That sounds really dumb, I know, but bear with me these men were usually the “cool kids” and I’m still living the childhood horrors of being the ugly outcast from kindergarten to potentially grade 10 (sophomore year).

Then when I wanted attention longer than five minutes and didn’t get it, I’d listen to sad songs and complain to myself about how I’ll be single for the rest of my life and I hate cats so I’d have to adopt 12 dogs instead, but really I am the issue.

On the flip side when I am treated with respect, kindness and dignity I’m floored at the gestures to the point of being speechless… that’s probably me in my rarest form, without a word to say. So how do I continually get this jaw-dropping attention? Let it in.

There are men out there that are waiting to spoil the right girl with attention and affection and they’re so often looked past for the fuck boys, because fuck boys don’t require anything but your physical presence and that’s easy to provide whereas someone who’s willing to provide more to you requires more in return. ISN’T THAT JUST SO UNFAIR… GIVING SOMEONE EQUAL ATTENTION YOU DESIRE?

(If I rolled my eyes any further back, you’d need to call a priest.)

Don’t tell me you didn’t learn as a kid to treat others the way you’d like to be treated, just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean this has changed. If there is something that also rings SO true today is that “nice guys finish last” and it’s because they’re being overlooked and they’re competing in an unfair competition. It’s only reasonable that so many of these good men are just changing to keep up with what girls are looking for but the problem is that women may have converted a man to a fuck boy but only the fuck boy can decide when he wants to change his ways.

HERE’S AN IDEA, let’s stop giving the fuck boys the power to take whatever they’d like, make people feel bad and then reign over all… because that’s what’s happening and it sucks.

So here’s my suggestions:

  • go on dates and let someone give their attention to you and only you for a while,
  • appreciate the genuine compliments and reciprocate because it won’t take away from your value to appreciate someone else’s
  • find someone that makes you happy for more time than when they make you sad because if you’re scales isn’t tipping in the happy direction maybe you should re-evaluate

So let’s stop digging a grave for chivalry because we’re quickly running out of time and space to hide the bodies of all the good men we’ve killed.

Advertisements
The New Nude Standard & what to expect

The New Nude Standard & what to expect

FinalPhoto#3 PictureDo you remember when Rose told Jack to draw her like one of his French girls, and your parents covered your eyes and all of a sudden the boat was sinking and Jack was dying? That confusion summarizes the same feeling I have about nudes today all I can think is “well that escalated quickly.”

Before you read on you should know this post will contain some choice words and opinions that aren’t suitable for everyone, that’s life… Let’s move on.

If you scroll through any social media platform you’ll find memes about sending nudes and they vary from “send nudes” written in cheerios to responding to the request with lipsticks. While these are all comedic and I’ve 100% sent these memes to friends and laughed, I’m confused by the etiquette of sending and receiving nudes.

So is there an appropriate time and place to send nude?  Is it even safe to do it with the expanding technologies and the idea of mistrust and permanent humiliation if the wrong pictures were put into the wrong hands? With so many questions I took to my social media to ask people what their thoughts on nudes were.

GOOD

The responses varied, but the most popular answer from both sexes was that nudes are appropriate to send to a significant other whether it is for long distance purposes or just to send them something for later this was the most popular answer.

My follow up to that is what happens after the messy break up, can you both be adults and get rid of those photos like everything else you burned from the relationship, or is your ex just going to continue to use those photos for their own personal pleasure after you’re gone. YIKES

Another common answer came from the male responses were like that tacky tip jar at the diner’s front counter that reads ‘Never expected, always appreciated’. So if a girl sent them a nude unexpectedly they were grateful, whether it be someone they just met or a significant other or whatever we decided that in between relationship status was called…

So then what about the women who received the unexpected, were they still appreciated?

BAD

I should make note that what came as a shock to me was that no one really said “absolutely no, nudes are gross and off limits.”

 Instead, for the majority of women who responded, nudes and tip jars did not have same rules. They agreed that nudes were appreciated when they asked for them or if it was an even exchange and expected, but unsolicited dick pics? HARD PASS.

By the way, this is one of the many double standards in life… please don’t make this the hill you want to die on.

UGLY

So why? Why are men still sending us pictures of their junk that doesn’t even appeal to most women in person? No one goes out looking for a penis to stare at, so I most certainly do not need it popping up on my phone when I’m alone, with friends or at work, which are all scenarios in which I have received the unrequested, unappealing picture of some man-child’s junk on my phone.

PAUSE, STORY TIME

Like most women I’ve talked to for this blog post, I have received an unsolicited dick picture, meaning some guy on the other end thought to himself ‘we’re talking about how badly she could go for a nap right now, I bet she wants my dick.’ No. The answer is no. The answer will always be no. Since, I like to believe I am a pretty open book what makes you think that all of a sudden I want to use the code word ‘NAP’ for dick pics. BY THE WAY, This is a very dangerous word to use because I actually take naps daily, my roommates can confirm this.

So here I am, middle of the day out in public and there appears a man’s junk on my phone. I’m distraught, disgusted and a little concerned about what’s going on in this guy’s head. Honey, I’m at work… do you want a bunch of middle-aged men checking out what you have? Or don’t…

While I’m not attempting to be a literal boner killer because I understand it’s all fun and games the fact here is that I DIDN’T ASK FOR IT.  So just stop. Thanks.

VERDICT

Nudes seem to be here to stay and with the added bonus of so many apps that allow people to send and receive quick pics and store them secretly (yes, there’s an app for hiding what you don’t want found). Nudes to most seem to be a ‘look good, feel good’ thing for some people and to those people I say “GO YOU!” If you feel hot in your birthday suit and feel like you can share that with someone, then do you booboo.

As for myself? Nah. I don’t want to send them and I definitely don’t need to receive them, so keep your eggplant emoji to in your pants please.

 

“New Generation Dating” – Let’s stop being F*ck people

“New Generation Dating” – Let’s stop being F*ck people

Final Photo #1

 

Picture yourself strolling through the endless maze of Ikea to find that one piece of furniture that you fall in love with, then you realize when you get home and open the package you’re left with 300 pieces, one tool and instructions with no words and vague pictures.  Once you hit that complete feeling of despair that you’ll never actually get this piece to look like it did in the store, then you’ll know what it’s like to date in today’s dating scene.

Yeah I know most people are thinking, “What does furniture have to do with dating?” so let me break it down for you. This is a metaphor and Ikea is the dating pool, the furniture is your ideal person and the disappointment is not actually being able to normally converse with someone you’re interested in. I mean think about it when’s the last time you didn’t overthink every move you made when talking to someone you’re interested in. I mean…

Absolutely. Every. Move.

Before anyone goes on and makes this about one gender…STOP! Because it’s not. Everyone is complacent in this problem and no one is rushing to stop it.

There is a method to this madness that we’ve created and it comes with rules. Here are 10 rules to trying to make it work in “New Generation Dating”:

  • “Dating Sites” (AKA…. Not Dating Sites) – Tinder, Don’t super like, it’s weird. Guys are always swiping right and girls are always swiping left anyways so let’s just stop. Bumble is just like window-shopping, look but no touching. Let’s get serious a girl needs more than 24 hours to decide what she’s going to wear, do you think she’s going to be able to decide if she wants to talk to you in less than 24 hours? NEXT.
  • Catch Flights, not Feelings – Let’s be real I’m too broke to catch either of those. Don’t talk about feelings, they’re awkward neither of you really want to talk about you just want to co-exist until one of you does something bad enough to warrant an explosive argument or a poorly planned “Ghosting.”
  • “So when do you want to hang?” LOL…Never. Bye. – You can only hang out at night to avoid any miscommunication that you are looking for more than a hook up; conversation must start with “u up?”
  • “Oh Hey! Didn’t see you there” (AKA “Why hasn’t he/she said hi yet?”) – If you do end up at the same place together make sure you avoid each other, no eye contact BUT any conversation must be through interpretation of sign language so make sure you look when they’re not looking and accidently rub up next to them as if you’re just trying to get through the crowd…
  • GET IT WHILE IT’S HOT: All Inclusive, No Exclusivity required! – You’re expected to do all and everything as seen online but loyalty is null on weekends, that being said please feel free to smash whomever you please through hours of Friday at 5 p.m. to Sunday at 12 p.m.
  • Anti-Social Media – DO NOT open dms or snapchats for a minimum of 30 minutes of receiving them, this also applies to watching snap or Instagram stories. Respond with minimal words (four words max) to let the other person know you have other things to do. Not like you weren’t already on your phone scrolling through Instagram for the millionth time today.
  • New Phone, Who dis? – No Texting…Texting is weird. Communication is strictly via snapchat or any social media dms only.
  • Social butterflies have more fun – Be super flirty…to everyone, all friends, brothers/sisters, teammates, etc. Nobody is off limits. This not only shows them you’re following the rules but BONUS, if they leave with someone else you have plenty of options to rebound and regret in the morning.
  • “Do you need some water? You’re looking thirsty” – Play it cool and hard to get… All while making sure you don’t oversell it and watch them go home with someone else.
  • Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous – Never hang out sober… This is grounds for immediate disinterest from both parties.

You just want to be cool and hang with the cool kids who don’t have feelings and instead they have a handle of peach Karkov in one hand and a whole weekend to make poor decisions. This is how most college students spend their weekends, and then the week is filled with catching up with the stuff they should’ve been doing and re-evaluating life decisions… just to make those same decisions the next weekend anyways.

I think we agree that it’s fun now to have zero responsibilities and commitments, but when are we going to stop? If we keep this up then there’s going to be a generation of people walking the streets with their heads down, hearts broken, avoiding all communication with other humans because they’re afraid to break these rules or they’re just too afraid to feel.

Be bold, go out there and tell the world how you feel because that’s exactly what makes you who you are. You have been given this innate ability to feel and to express it so why are we trying to hide it? It doesn’t make you uncool to feel, what does make you uncool is embarrassing someone who had the courage to put their feelings out there. If that is you, you’re a dick, Stop that. You’re not cool and I don’t like it.

I shouldn’t need to feel like I have to tell people this, because we all collectively “Aww” at old pictures and stories of our parents and grandparents and the way they wooed each other back in the day. So if we’re so in love with that idea,

WHY AREN’T WE DEMANDING THIS?

We have the choice to ask for more but we’re lying down and letting it happen, we’re letting love die because we’re getting minimal attention from an emotionally stunted man/woman-child.

Does this sound ridiculous yet? If it doesn’t then maybe you’re a part of this problem.

So that being said, here is my new set of rules for “Dating the right way, because you deserve it”:

  • Invest yourself – I know 70 percent of you are business majors so investing isn’t a new concept. Invest your time and effort in worthwhile people and you’ll discover what makes you really happy
  • Happy Boy and Happy Girls can be…. –Okay, that’s a song by Aqua, but the idea is the same. Find people that make you happy, the true smiling ear-to-ear and laughing uncontrollably happy and HANG ON TO THEM, these are the most important people in life.
  • It got lost in translation, Communication is key – This should occur ANYWHERE except social media and dms. In person is best but maybe a facetime call or a text… yes texting is indeed NOT weird. Also, this is a good time to talk about how you feel because you don’t want to waste time on people who aren’t going to make you a happy girl/boy.
  • “These hoes ain’t loyal”… But they can be – Loyalty is so rare but it doesn’t have to be, you can commit yourself to one person and for someone to tell you otherwise is lying. If you want anything bad enough you’ll strive the greatness.
  • You just want attention – Who doesn’t? Don’t think that giving someone you appreciate the attention they deserve isn’t “cool.” It’s the greatest use of your time because you’re making someone that matter to you the happiest they can be because for once in this god damn “New Generation Dating” world, they are being shown that they are worthy of someone’s attention

BONUS RULE

  • My Momma don’t like you and she likes everyone – If you get the privilege of meeting Mom then understand that time, effort, communication, loyalty and attention has been given to you so if you can’t reciprocate these simple five rules, Mom will know and she will send you packing.

Okay, enough rules. Just go out there and live your best life and if you’re stuck in the rut of “New Generation Dating” just know that they only way to get out is if you truly want to. Be the trailblazer and find your way back to reality.

Final Photo #2

“Are you sure I’m not dying?” & other concerns

“Are you sure I’m not dying?” & other concerns

Most people wake up in the morning, dreading the day ahead for reasons such as working, school or just getting out of bed. Today, I woke up and I thought about whether or not I wanted to fight with the anxiety today or if I was just going to cave in and take that pill. The pill that makes the feeling of dying go away, but also sacrifices everything that makes me who I am. Try giving up the bubbly personality, the loud good morning greetings with a shiny smile to match it and the motivation to do much of anything and there is a reason for this decision every day.

Imagine your deepest darkest fear, the one that you do not dare say aloud in fear that just the words leaving your lips could cause the worst nightmares imaginable. Do you have one? I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder and Hypochondriasis, so essentially I have a fear of living and one of dying. Living in a world full of judgement, failure, danger and uncertainty, but in a world that I have grown attached to many things and people that could be taken from me in the blink of an eye.

Thanks to countless organizations and the outspoken crowds of people who also suffer from mental health disorders, speaking out about what it’s like in the day of me seems like less of a burden to those around me. Now talking about anxiety is more of a reason for the kids who are growing up as I did to feel like they are not alone anymore.

My first anxiety attack happened in the middle of the night while I was 7 years old, I woke up in a cold sweat and I was sure death was upon me. I could not catch my breath like air had been squeezed out of my lungs and someone had been holding my lungs in a tight fist. All I could do was take short panicked breaths praying that they were enough to signal my sleeping parents in the other room. When the light came on and my mother with fear in her eyes looked at me, I could only feel my lungs grasp tighter, if she was worried then I should be too. The trembling moved from just my hands to my entire body like one large convulsion, as if this was the last breaths I would take.

After what felt like eternity of complete darkness, I had awoken in a chair wrapped in a warm blanket in the emergency room.  Now, the doctors are attempting to explain to me, a seven-year-old child, what “anxiety” was and why I felt the way I did. No, it was not contagious and I was not dying, it was my brain telling me to panic about what I could only imagine to be something that happened that day at recess. I mean, what else does a seven-year-old have to panic about anyways?

Now, 17 years later, my anxiety has started from once a year to all day every day and gone from children at recess fears, to the fear of the day.

Waking up every day reminding myself it is okay, that it’s just my anxiety and I do not have cancer or that pain in my eye is not a tumor or that my roommate didn’t say good morning because she hates me rather she hates mornings, and that’s all before getting out of bed. Getting out of bed is a battle all its own, that I have to get up and get out because if I don’t then anxiety wins and I don’t want to give it that kind of power.

Let’s stop for a second, you need to know that this isn’t all coping and self-control because it’s unrealistic to lie and say I’ve never needed medication to help me cope.

Xanax, the little white pill that takes all the worries of an anxiety-ridden person away, however, that is not what it is so popularly known for anymore. Thanks to the countless irresponsible teenagers, Xanax has now become a street drug that is used to get a high for that raging party down the street and it’s easier to get from your dealer than the pharmacist.

For someone with anxiety, Xanax feels like shutting off the receptors in your brain that tell you to panic and to my best description, they turn you into a shell of the human you are. On the outside, people see the same person they know and love but inside, everything has been shut down to cope with the endless thoughts of living and dying.

That smile on my face when I say good morning is one of the hardest choices I make in the day. That smile says that I did not give into the pressures of anxiety and that even though the thoughts of it are on a constant loop in my brain they do not take over and change who I am as a person. Now, I am by no means saying that this is attainable overnight but I am saying that it is possible if you try so hard, the highs and lows of anxiety are far from even but with time, they are bearable.

If there is one thing I could share to those who suffer as I do, it is simply that “IT IS OKAY!” It is a battle that I promise you, only becomes easier when you let your loved ones in, and you talk openly about the struggles of day to day life. I have come a long way from where I was to where I am and it has been the most strenuous ride of my life. Now, I see anxiety not as a daily burden but as something that has shaped me to be the person I am today. If I told you that your story could save someone’s life one day,

how loud would you tell it?

 

If you are experiencing anxiety and are in need of crisis support, please call the Crisis Call Center’s 24-hour hotline at 1-775-784-8090.

Who says you can’t be a fan?

Who says you can’t be a fan?

Final Photo#5 - EditedHave you ever been hanging out with friends or maybe at a party and the conversation turns to sports? It always does just wait for it, this topic is about as common as asking about the weather.

So someone mentions your sport team of choice, one you’ve followed and enjoy and it sounds like a conversation you want to be a part of so you go ahead and throw you hat into the ring with, “Hey, I like that team too!” (This is a generic statement FYI). So you join in the conversation by talking about the game they had or maybe impress them with some statistics, whatever the game plan is now you’re in the conversation.

    BUT WAIT… Here is where the most furious questions occur. In my experience these questions usually come from a male, but that is not always the case, and they are usually well versed in every topic of every kind on any given day (rolls eyes)… “You’re not a fan, name five players on their roster? Who’s injured? Who got traded? What is the captain’s brother’s childhood best friends name?”

FIRST OF ALL, this isn’t some sort of security question, I can proudly say I have no f#$king clue for that last one mainly because it has nothing to do with the sports team that interests me. More importantly, this is a question that is asked purely to attempt to shame the person who’s trying to get involved. So to clear up any confusion, I thought I’d put it out there on social media and as “What do you think makes a ‘true’ sports fan?”

The answers rolled in and it was clear that the majority voted on passion. While some who responded kept their answer simple and said “passion,” others explained what passion means to them and their teams.

Mike Erickson from Winnipeg, Man. wrote: “Even though I’m a (Colorado) Avalanche fan I think hometown pride plays a big factor. I love the (Winnipeg) Jets just because I’m from Winnipeg.”

So hometown pride, the best part about that is even if you’re new to a sport you always have somewhere to start and develop your knowledge of the sport before realizing you made a terrible mistake and jumping ship… Okay I’m only kind of kidding.
What else makes a “true” fan?

Annie Chipman, a recent alumna of the former UND Women’s hockey program, wrote: “Avid sports fans actively search out media coverage of their teams, and all other teams? Willing to spend money to watch.”

So money and time, that now comes into play of a “true” sports fan. Are you willing to put the hours and money into the team you want to root for? If the answer is yes, then maybe you’re a “true” sports fan.

While the question attracted comical answers such as Jacob Notermann’s “how many hats they have for a team” to Jordan Lisowick’s “That guy who wears a raptors jersey to a leafs game,” most responses answered the initial question but added a new one.

One answer in specific made me scratch my head, Nolan Kowal from Winnipeg, Man. wrote that a “true” fan is “Somebody who understands the intricacies and strategy of a game rather than somebody who just mindlessly cheers.”

While Kowal has a point, the more you know sometimes benefits your own experience in how you cheer, I think the thing that’s missing is the demographic we’re looking at.
Shortly after the Nashville Predators lost in the game five of the Stanley Cup Final, a friend forwarded me a video of an adorable young girl no more than five years old named Wrigley. Her mother recorded a message Wrigley wanted the Preds to hear.

I know you’re sad and I’m sad too. But you shouldn’t be sad because you did great! I can’t wait until next year. It’s gonna be so much fun. You did a great job tonight, guys.

(This is too adorable not to watch BTW, I’ll post the link below.)

Decked out from the ribbon on her head to her tiny toes in Preds gear, the girl’s heartfelt message was nothing short of beautiful. Now to tell me that girl isn’t a true fan would be a blatant lie and from what the criteria that has been laid out tells me is that she definitely has passion, she watches her team play all the time and from the amount of gear she’s wearing in the video I’m assuming money has been put in (even though that’s definitely from her parents pocket). But because she might lack the intricate knowledge that is included in hockey, would you say she’s any less a fan?

    This is a slightly extreme example, I mean she’s five but the point I’m trying to get across is that while knowledge is an asset; passion drives you to want to know more.

    Personally, “true” fans come in all ages they are not created overnight, which means they also have many different stages. That original cringe worthy question, the one that the know-it-all sports fanatic asked you at that party to make you feel small, that’s not what makes you a true sports fan. Instead, it just works to make you feel small and the person who asks the questions feel superior.

    Stop asking those questions, stop being a gatekeeper and let the fans in.

As promised, Adorable Nashville Predators fan

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVS-rculII9/?taken-by=espn&hl=en